Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
