Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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