Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
