Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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