So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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