Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
