elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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