Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
