I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
