I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Send help, water and tortillas.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
