The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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