the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
