I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
