she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
