What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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