my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I could make wine with my vomit
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
