the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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