oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
