In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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