remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
