if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
