I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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