Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize