Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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