Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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