How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
