hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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