Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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