billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
