the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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