Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
