From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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