Do you still have your period?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
