I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
