In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
