the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
