did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize