i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
