All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Well I just put wine in my tea
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
