I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
