Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If I die, sorry about rent.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize