38 yer olds are good kisserssss
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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