did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
