Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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