i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize