too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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