I'm eating all of the evidence.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
