Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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