Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
