Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
