i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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