I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
