We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
