I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
