so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
