i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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