Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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