i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
