Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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