But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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