I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
