You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
