Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
