girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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