Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
