I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
