Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
