i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
In other news, I just burned my penis
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
