Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
