so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
