My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize