I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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