Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
