u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
