tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize