I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
