He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
